Let’s be honest here – this is not always an easy conversation to have with your parents. For them, the thought of leaving the home they’ve lived in for years, the home where they’re comfortable, their familiar environment, where they’ve built many precious memories over those years is not an appealing idea. Be prepared for some pushback!
For you, as their child, helping mom or dad (or both!) make the transition into assisted living might make sense. Maybe dad is struggling with keeping up with the chores around the house or is having trouble dressing himself. Maybe mom has fallen a couple of times in the past few months. It could be that meals are being skipped. Maybe they’re lonely, spending too much time alone at home. Whatever the signs are, knowing that places exist that can provide security, safety, and a sense of community can help both you and your parent in what can be a difficult situation.
How you approach this subject with your parents is just as important as what you talk about. I highly recommend approaching this conversation gently. Though you might feel urgent action is needed, don’t treat this as an intervention. Remember I said be prepared for some pushback? It would be totally understandable. Your parent doesn’t want to admit they can’t handle their day-to-day activities by themselves anymore. Giving up their complete independence is not appealing, and though for you it may seem to be the logical choice, for them this is a highly emotional subject. BE PATIENT WITH YOUR PARENTS.
Go into this knowing that the process is not always a quick one – it can often be months before the decision to move into assisted living is reached. It usually involves multiple conversations, often with many family members involved in the decision making. You will have the opportunity to tour the local assisted living communities and chat with their welcoming teams to see if it’s a good fit for you. Touring the facilities well in advance can help in the decision making process when the time finally arrives.
During this conversation, you’ll want to present your concerns to your parent. Keep their feelings in mind, and don’t get combative. Acknowledge their feelings during this difficult discussion, their feelings are valid. The conversation should be focused on your parent’s needs, not yours…this isn’t about you.
Discuss the benefits of an assisted living facility: the security, the safety, the social aspects of being around more people their age with common interests. Don’t focus on the actual moving process – selling the home, downsizing, hiring movers, etc. That’s a subject for another time, and there are plenty of people and professionals to help with those steps.
Good luck, and remember, do this with love.
